A lot has transpired since the last post. I was finally getting off my butt and going to practice and then my dad passed away. I'd be lying if I said I didnt see it coming but it happened and I was out of comission for about a week and some days. I did all I could do to help him but i always felt selfish going to practice. Anywho, my father is gone and all i have left is my mom n sis and my team mates. My team has been super understanding throughout this whole process. Their love is endless and encouragement is awesome. i'm so glad that I made the decision to join BCR, they are my extended family. While I feel like some are more connectd than others I will fit in with this LOVELY group of women.
Since getting back into the swing of things, my back has been a constant problem as it was on BnB. yes i know it will take time to rebuild it but im ready now dammit. While i hate my back sometimes i do realize that i have to participate in these drills to make myself better no matter how severe the pain may be, i have to push through it. through one if the drills last night at practice, my back was so bad i seriously wanted to give up. however in order to be great i must do the drills to the best of my ability and give it my all. while its never easy i always feel good that i at least finished a drill without dying. yesterday was the first time in a while that i felt the urge to vomit my brains out. my body isnt used to me pushing myself that hard. I usually think ppl are BSing me when they say im doing good, that they can see the improvement. i only saw minor improvements which is good. for me to actually do a jammer drill KNOWING how much i hate it, was pretty awesome i only sat down to catch my breathe after doing it repeatedly for more than five minutes. that shit felt like it lasted forever n my lungs were dying and the vomit lump was rising but i know i need that excercise. it made realize how much work jammers put in and also that i can jam if i train hard enough. i never wanted to jam cuz i didnt want to work that hard. but with being "a tank" or "a brickhouse" as Amyn n Quakes said what could it really hurt? I think i may do it as a "relief jammer" at first just to get my feet wet. im not all that fast but i may can hold back the other teams jammer.
another thing that i was looking at is how i stop myself from progressing. its pretty annoying. the only thing stopping me from exceling is me. i beat myself up often. I feel as though I should be better than what I am. I wish I could just build my endurance in under two weeks. and what really grinds my gears is that i stress out so much about about my back during a drill that I actually think i make it worse by focusing on how much it hurts. i try not to think on it but i cant help how bad it hurts. last night during the first drill i was thinking about how im gonna die doing the drill n the pain in my back at the time so i pulled out. My shins n back were BURNING!!!!!! i felt like i was on fire. so after i stretched it out i got back out there. every time blicker called my name to sprint in front of the pack i damn near died. i just didnt want to look like a dumbass. what Trick was requesting wasnt even that hard of a drill i just couldnt do it for some reason. but i gave up a few times cuz i felt stupid. i get so sick n tired of "failing myself" its annoying. so after my inner bitchfit and beating myself up i really wanted to sit out of my favorite type of drill.....anything to do with blocking. my wife n 9 pretty much told me to get my ass out there n i didnt regret it. i learn stuff about myself skating with different ppl. kitty told me to "control myself" meaning that im sloppy i guess. but i take whatever ppl say and use it as constructive critisim. Trick said when I fall its like a helicoptor lmao that shit is pretty funny cuz i can only imagine how my thick ass looks lol so im working on falling small.
There are things that I need to fine tune n i cant wait for the day I actually get ready to bout with my team. I want to be good enough to help out my team mates and make them proud!! they are after all my family and i love each and everyone of them!
