Dear god I don't know what I was thinking when I started this. I've read my derby wife Helley's blog and wondered if it helped her reflect on certain things as a skater. I'm often shy about putting myself out there because I really don't want to seem whiny or annoying. I hate being judged and was very hesitant in starting this so here goes nothing.
About a year or so ago I was at my all time low, I was 270lbs, lonely, and a couch potato. None of which I thought I would be at 26. In my mind a "normal" 26 yr old would be out of their parent’s house, having fun and living a care free life......my life is that of a single parent. Things for me had always kind of been that way. Since I turned 18 I started putting myself last in an effort to help my mom take care of the household financially. While going to school full time and working 34+ hours a week I was stretched to my max. Quite honestly not much has changed. I’m still living with my parents, and still helping financially. The only MAJOR difference is that my dad's health is substantially worse than it was five years ago after Hurricane Katrina. My dad for the most part has always been ill. However, it was never to this extent where he is at this particular moment. A little bit of my dad's past has to do with why he is the way he is, the other part is genetic. Nonetheless, I have watched my dad be the BEST provider, husband, father, and friend, I know him to be. My father is also a fighter, one trait among many that I will forever be thankful for. Because I was the eldest it was my duty to step up when he had taken ill and have not stepped down from that duty for the love of my parents. Yes I'm often tired of carrying the burden but it is my pleasure to repay my parents the best way I know how. This ordeal has helped make me a stronger person. Watching my dad overcome some of his struggles would soon help me over come a few of my own.
Vix,
ReplyDeleteWriting the blog does help me focus on things as a skater. Mostly what it does is to help me blow off steam or unpack things to help me understand them better. But that's how I use writing in general; I've always written to learn. Sometimes I don't know what I've learned until I reread my writing. Either way, writing, and blogs especially, have proved to be a wonderful release valve when I need to get things off my chest.
Aside from that, I just want to say that you are a wonderfully strong person. To do what you do at 26 is so incredibly selfless, loving, and level-headed. Many people our age wouldn't put themselves last like you do, and still fewer would say they don't mind doing it. This is one of the many reasons I admire you and consider you to be one of the best people I know.
THANX WIFEY!!! It is honestly as struggle. I want to be selfish for myself but cant seem to watch my parents suffer like this. I love you and thanx for everything
ReplyDelete